Jerry the rifleman

plot
jerry decides that gun ownership will cure his chronic erectile dysfunction. however, he accidently goes to an illegal arms dealership store, in which he purchases a sawed-off shotgun, an m19 assault rifle and a military flamethrower, all of which are illegal. although jerry is oblivious to this, sergeant stealbalz orders a biological strike on jerry's home. jerry's house is hit with a canister filled with weaponized anthrax. however, jerry was wearing a gas mask while this is happening. jerry then calls the police, but sergeant stealbalz answers him instead. stealbalz accidently thinks that jerry was old mrs. granneh, and agrees to provide him with a hazmat suit. captain bulge, meanwhile is walking near jerry's house carrying a legally purchased glock 17 pistol. stealbalz encounters bulge en route to mrs. granneh's house, but thinks bulge was the one who purchased the weapons from the russian terrorists. the two begin arguing. jerry walks into the police station carrying his newly-purchased assault rifle, and asks the operator why he hasn't been given a hazmat suit yet. jerry is shot on the spot and detained. jerry demands medical treatment as he claims the anthrax gave him two anuses. while this is happening, stealbalz is about to arrest bulge when an air raid siren begins blaring. according to a loudspeaker, the russian terrorists are sending anthrax-charged bombs towards the town. stealbalz runs away and dives into the swamp. bulge runs and steals his car. jerry is sitting in the prison sell explaining to the guard how he can "dual butt-masturbate". the guard threatens to shove a brick up jerry's left anus, but before he can do so, an anthrax bomb hit's the prison. jerry pretends to suffocate in the attack, while the guard admits to having two anuses as well as having 3 penises. jerry, who is stunned, stops pretending to choke and explains he was trying to escape and only had one anus. the guard, who is dying, tells jerry that one day he will grow another anus. jerry escapes as the guard presumably dies. bulge, who is unscathed by the attack, meets with jerry where jerry explains that he we soon grow another anus.